Grandma...

I didnt get to see Grandma today, and that hurts. It happens though, you know?
Last time i saw her, I whispered my prayers and love into her ear, as did everyone else, and I know that means alot to her. Its funny, there is one thing my Grandma always did in her life that the bible says.. "The greatest of all is love" and if there is one thing she taught us more than anything else, its love.

I never thought about how it would be like to not have her by our side. She has gotten sick quite a few times since 06, but never did she not come home and get better. My Uncle Ed pushed her, and she finally started walking without a walker, and she was getting her own food, coffee, etc. But these last two months, I guess she had been sleeping more and more. Well, now all she seems to do it sleep.

She is in hospice now, after a small stroke at home.

This time she isnt coming home; thats the hardest thing to deal with. She isnt coming home...

I want so bad to just lay next to her and cuddle her like I do Kathleen, tell her its going to be ok, that God is there, and so is Papa, and her parents, and everyone else.

But... no matter what she goes home to in Heaven, she wont be here with us, and that sucks. It really fucking sucks. Im sorry if im a little selfish, but it sucks. I just wish i had time to talk to her more, and tell her how much she has ment to all of us, and how much she has done for all of us. I am sure she knows, but its one of those "I wish i would have told her" kind of things.

I told her it was ok to go home with God and Papa, I told her Papa is waiting to dance with her through Heaven's doors, I evern held her hand and Sang Amazing Grace. But, there is always that one other thing you wish you said. But I dont think there is ever a chance to say everything... it would take alife time to tell Grandma how much she means to us, because she has spent a life time showing us her love.

IDK what else to say... I just really wish that... well, I dont know what I wish, because I dont want her to suffer.

But what I do pray, is that God wraps his arms around her and holds her for just one more night, so I can see her tomorrow....

I love you Grandma