Grandma - August 13, 2010

Today; I will try to be strong for myself, and others,but I really dont see it happening. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach like I am going to be sick.

I always knew Grandma was old, but i never imagined life without her, and now that she is gone, it just doesnt seem real. I am scared to see her in her casket; to say goodbye to her. It almost feels like I am going through the motions, but nothing is real. I want to scream and cry, but i feel lik eI cant. I dont have the energy or the time for that matter. I don't think i could stop if I started.

My Grandma was my rock, my stonghold, and my guide. I confided in her about everything, and those times i was with her in that empty house; i told her my entire life, because she was the one who loved, but never judged. I remember going over as an Adult, and being at Aunt Janets alone with her, and laying my head in her lap and crying about Alex or Keaton; she never knew what to say, but she always said she loved me, and herthink fingers would stroke the hair on my head.

I went to Grandma for everything; from when i was a child to just a month ago. She was so loving, and she was so open, and she was so accepting.

But now here come sour time to be loving, open, and accepting; we have to love one another more then we ever have, we have to be open to the fact that Grandma is dancing with Papa now, and we have to accept that fact that she isnt coming home. We'll, I dont know if Im ready for all that yet. I dont know if im ready to accept that.

I still need her to tell me she loves me no matter what, I still need er to tell me that love is the only thing that is important, I still need her to tell me that I will make it through, I still need my best friend.

You know in the Bible is says the three most important things are Faith, Hope, and Love, but the greatest of those three is love? Well, Grandma taught us that more than anything.... I miss you Grandma, I just wish I coudl hug you one last time, or kiss your forhead and tell you I will see you soon. It will never be easy to leave Aunt Janets house and not hear you say "Be safe".