So, the Savella is going ok...
It made my depression a lot worse, but im working through it. Andrew and I hit some really bad spots, but, its going. He and I can pretty much make it through anything.
Things are getting hard financially though... I have been applying places, but no one is calling me back, and when im calling them back, they arent hiring anymore...
*sigh* What else can I do?
I need to go apply for disability but then i think, i hate the thought of collecting money and not working for it, you know? But, I also know I cant work full time on my feet, or sitting... I have to be up and down all day, or laying down or else my back and legs hurt if im in one position too long.... IDK what to do.
anyways, just a quick update.
*hugz*
Me, Myself, and I
Its just Me, Myself and I
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
May 19, 2010
Today was Kat's doctors appointment... they said her ears look OK, and they think her feet are just because she is a little flat foot...
Well, what do I do now? They gave me come claritin for her nose and eyes and ears, and gave me a RX for Ibuprofen... hopefully it will work...
In other news, i go for my annual check up on June 4th... after that.... maybe, who knows... I would love for our lives to change in a way that only little feet can... We will see... if we can get financially in the right spot... then .... who knows... Only God, right?
Well, what do I do now? They gave me come claritin for her nose and eyes and ears, and gave me a RX for Ibuprofen... hopefully it will work...
In other news, i go for my annual check up on June 4th... after that.... maybe, who knows... I would love for our lives to change in a way that only little feet can... We will see... if we can get financially in the right spot... then .... who knows... Only God, right?
Monday, May 17, 2010
May 17, 2010
Soo... the Savella...
I have been exhausted.. all I want to do is sleep. But i cant. Everything else seems irrelevant - don't want to eat, don't want to shower, drink, or even have sex. But, i do all of the above hoping i will feel better.
The other day I woke up and my vision was blurry for about an hour? But it finally went away, the pharmacist said it can happen... but shouldn't last long. It IS a side effect he said.
Anyways, tonight is.....
MONDAY!!!
Yes.. i am finally excited about something... Nurse Jackie, and US of Tara!!!
WOO-HOO!!!
I have been exhausted.. all I want to do is sleep. But i cant. Everything else seems irrelevant - don't want to eat, don't want to shower, drink, or even have sex. But, i do all of the above hoping i will feel better.
The other day I woke up and my vision was blurry for about an hour? But it finally went away, the pharmacist said it can happen... but shouldn't last long. It IS a side effect he said.
Anyways, tonight is.....
MONDAY!!!
Yes.. i am finally excited about something... Nurse Jackie, and US of Tara!!!
WOO-HOO!!!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Drs. Apt and other ramblings...
so lets start off with the fact that i got to my apt at like 1020am, only for them to tell me they couldn't see me because the correct doctors name was not on my medical card.... HELL TO THE NO!
I just took the bus from Denison, down W.25th, past the west side market, and not for you to send me home! EF that....
So, the lady says she will call and see if she can fix it for me... then says she tried, and couldn't, said i need to call the Dr on the card and make an apt. NOPE...
I call Wellcare, and they fix it within like, ohhh, 5 minutes! Pissed me off...
OK, so anyways, i go into the Doctors, tell them what all has been going on... numbness, tingling, dizzy spells, blurry vision, weakness in my muscles... she says it does go along with the fibromyalgia, but sent blood test out for Thyroid, blood sugar, cholesterol, and liver and kidney tests. I am really hoping that everything comes back OK, but I'm due back in two weeks for a check up on the medication she started me on anyways...
New medication? Savella (milnacipran HCI) Tablets - lets find more about this little drug, shall we?
The following is from WebMD.com
What Is Savella?
Savella is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). It is similar to drugs used to treat depression and other psychiatric disorders. In January 2009, the FDA approved Savella to help manage fibromyalgia in adults. Available by prescription, it is the first drug introduced just for this purpose. Previous drugs approved to manage fibromyalgia include Lyrica (pregabalin), a nerve pain and epilepsy drug, and Cymbalta (duloxetine), another SNRI.
How Savella Works
With fibromyalgia, you may have a lower threshold for pain. Experts believe this may result from changes in your nervous system. These changes cause you to be more sensitive to pain. This could result from the wrong levels of neurotransmitters. These are chemicals in your brain.
Savella allows more of these neurotransmitters to travel from neuron to neuron. It is not exactly clear how Savella works. But increasing levels of neurotransmitters may ease pain and reduce fatigue or help with memory. However, not all these benefits have been tested in humans.
How Do You Take Savella?
Savella is a tablet. You take Savella in two divided doses each day. You start at 12.5 milligrams on the first day. Then you increase to 100 milligrams/day over a one-week period. Although the recommended dose is 100 milligrams/day, your doctor may increase it to 200 milligrams/day, based on your response to the medication.
This is the recommended regimen for Savella:
Day 1: 12.5 milligrams once
Days 2-3: 25 milligrams/day (12.5 milligrams twice daily)
Days 4-7: 50 milligrams/day (25 milligrams twice daily)
After Day 7: 100 milligrams/day (50 milligrams twice daily).
Do not suddenly stop taking Savella.
What Are the Benefits of Savella for Fibromyalgia?
Before FDA approval, clinical trials of more than 2,000 patients reported improvements in many of those taking Savella. A larger number of patients using Savella than placebo had at least a 30% reduction in pain. They also rated their fibromyalgia either very much improved or much improved.
What Are the Potential Side Effects of Savella?
In trials of Savella, the most common side effect was nausea.
These are other common mild-to-moderate side effects of Savella:
constipation
dizziness
insomnia
hot flush or excessive sweating
vomiting
palpitations or increased heart rate
dry mouth
high blood pressure
Before You Take Savella
Have a conversation with your doctor before taking Savella. Discuss the risks and benefits of antidepressant medications. And have a clear understanding about your treatment choices. In rare cases, antidepressant medications may cause suicidal thoughts and actions. But this occurs mainly in children, teens, and young adults. If you or a loved one is taking Savella, watch for unusual changes in thought patterns or behavior.
Do not take Savella if:
You are taking or have recently taken another type of antidepressant called monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs).
You have an eye disease called narrow-angle glaucoma.
Before taking Savella, discuss with your doctor your use of other medications. This includes diuretics, triptans, or medications to treat psychiatric or neurological conditions. Ask if you should avoid nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), aspirin, or other drugs that thin blood. Combining these with Savella may increase your risk of abnormal bleeding.
Also, before starting Savella, tell your doctor if you are nursing or pregnant or plan to become pregnant. And tell your doctor about any medical conditions you have, including:
high blood pressure
fast heart rate or other cardiac condition
liver problems or a history of heavy alcohol use
kidney problems
history of mania or seizure disorders
bleeding disorders
After You Begin Taking Savella
Take these precautions while on Savella:
Do not drive or use machinery until you are certain Savella is not affecting your mental or physical abilities.
Avoid drinking alcohol.
Talk with your doctor before stopping Savella and do not stop suddenly; this can cause withdrawal symptoms.
Be sure to let your doctor know if you begin taking any other medications, including over-the-counter drugs.
OK... Awesome... but here are the irritations I face...
1) So, under the "How Savella works"... Not all these have been tested on Humans?? Um, does anyone else see a problem with this?
2) Under possible side effects... "Dizziness, insomnia, vomiting".. Thanks, got those all ready because of the fibromyalgia... Why do I need a medication that could increase them?
3) "Before you take Savella..." it says mixing this medication with antidepressants might increase suicide... Um, hello Dr... I have been hospitalized in the past for suicide attempts (yea, I'm not proud of it people, but its reality), so... why would I want to take this medication when i haven't started any new medications for my Bipolar?
Anyways, at any rate, non the less, on the other hand... and what ever other expressions you can add here... I hope this works, because I'm sick of feelings, well.... sick...
Well, I will keep you posted on how the new medication works....
In other news, I heard from my Aunt Janet on Mothers day.....
I just took the bus from Denison, down W.25th, past the west side market, and not for you to send me home! EF that....
So, the lady says she will call and see if she can fix it for me... then says she tried, and couldn't, said i need to call the Dr on the card and make an apt. NOPE...
I call Wellcare, and they fix it within like, ohhh, 5 minutes! Pissed me off...
OK, so anyways, i go into the Doctors, tell them what all has been going on... numbness, tingling, dizzy spells, blurry vision, weakness in my muscles... she says it does go along with the fibromyalgia, but sent blood test out for Thyroid, blood sugar, cholesterol, and liver and kidney tests. I am really hoping that everything comes back OK, but I'm due back in two weeks for a check up on the medication she started me on anyways...
New medication? Savella (milnacipran HCI) Tablets - lets find more about this little drug, shall we?
The following is from WebMD.com
What Is Savella?
Savella is a selective serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). It is similar to drugs used to treat depression and other psychiatric disorders. In January 2009, the FDA approved Savella to help manage fibromyalgia in adults. Available by prescription, it is the first drug introduced just for this purpose. Previous drugs approved to manage fibromyalgia include Lyrica (pregabalin), a nerve pain and epilepsy drug, and Cymbalta (duloxetine), another SNRI.
How Savella Works
With fibromyalgia, you may have a lower threshold for pain. Experts believe this may result from changes in your nervous system. These changes cause you to be more sensitive to pain. This could result from the wrong levels of neurotransmitters. These are chemicals in your brain.
Savella allows more of these neurotransmitters to travel from neuron to neuron. It is not exactly clear how Savella works. But increasing levels of neurotransmitters may ease pain and reduce fatigue or help with memory. However, not all these benefits have been tested in humans.
How Do You Take Savella?
Savella is a tablet. You take Savella in two divided doses each day. You start at 12.5 milligrams on the first day. Then you increase to 100 milligrams/day over a one-week period. Although the recommended dose is 100 milligrams/day, your doctor may increase it to 200 milligrams/day, based on your response to the medication.
This is the recommended regimen for Savella:
Day 1: 12.5 milligrams once
Days 2-3: 25 milligrams/day (12.5 milligrams twice daily)
Days 4-7: 50 milligrams/day (25 milligrams twice daily)
After Day 7: 100 milligrams/day (50 milligrams twice daily).
Do not suddenly stop taking Savella.
What Are the Benefits of Savella for Fibromyalgia?
Before FDA approval, clinical trials of more than 2,000 patients reported improvements in many of those taking Savella. A larger number of patients using Savella than placebo had at least a 30% reduction in pain. They also rated their fibromyalgia either very much improved or much improved.
What Are the Potential Side Effects of Savella?
In trials of Savella, the most common side effect was nausea.
These are other common mild-to-moderate side effects of Savella:
constipation
dizziness
insomnia
hot flush or excessive sweating
vomiting
palpitations or increased heart rate
dry mouth
high blood pressure
Before You Take Savella
Have a conversation with your doctor before taking Savella. Discuss the risks and benefits of antidepressant medications. And have a clear understanding about your treatment choices. In rare cases, antidepressant medications may cause suicidal thoughts and actions. But this occurs mainly in children, teens, and young adults. If you or a loved one is taking Savella, watch for unusual changes in thought patterns or behavior.
Do not take Savella if:
You are taking or have recently taken another type of antidepressant called monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs).
You have an eye disease called narrow-angle glaucoma.
Before taking Savella, discuss with your doctor your use of other medications. This includes diuretics, triptans, or medications to treat psychiatric or neurological conditions. Ask if you should avoid nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs), aspirin, or other drugs that thin blood. Combining these with Savella may increase your risk of abnormal bleeding.
Also, before starting Savella, tell your doctor if you are nursing or pregnant or plan to become pregnant. And tell your doctor about any medical conditions you have, including:
high blood pressure
fast heart rate or other cardiac condition
liver problems or a history of heavy alcohol use
kidney problems
history of mania or seizure disorders
bleeding disorders
After You Begin Taking Savella
Take these precautions while on Savella:
Do not drive or use machinery until you are certain Savella is not affecting your mental or physical abilities.
Avoid drinking alcohol.
Talk with your doctor before stopping Savella and do not stop suddenly; this can cause withdrawal symptoms.
Be sure to let your doctor know if you begin taking any other medications, including over-the-counter drugs.
OK... Awesome... but here are the irritations I face...
1) So, under the "How Savella works"... Not all these have been tested on Humans?? Um, does anyone else see a problem with this?
2) Under possible side effects... "Dizziness, insomnia, vomiting".. Thanks, got those all ready because of the fibromyalgia... Why do I need a medication that could increase them?
3) "Before you take Savella..." it says mixing this medication with antidepressants might increase suicide... Um, hello Dr... I have been hospitalized in the past for suicide attempts (yea, I'm not proud of it people, but its reality), so... why would I want to take this medication when i haven't started any new medications for my Bipolar?
Anyways, at any rate, non the less, on the other hand... and what ever other expressions you can add here... I hope this works, because I'm sick of feelings, well.... sick...
Well, I will keep you posted on how the new medication works....
In other news, I heard from my Aunt Janet on Mothers day.....
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Letter from Her...
Well, today I got a letter from my Aunt Janet. It was an attached document, and, i didnt open it.
I dont think I can open it. I dont know what it says, but unless it says that we can have a relationship again, then, i dont need or want to read it.
I miss her, more than she knows... I miss her a lot.
I told her I was sorry for all the things I said, but i cant choose between Andrew, and the rest of my family. Its not a decision I am willing to make, not now... and I dont know if I ever will be able to.
I dont think I can open it. I dont know what it says, but unless it says that we can have a relationship again, then, i dont need or want to read it.
I miss her, more than she knows... I miss her a lot.
I told her I was sorry for all the things I said, but i cant choose between Andrew, and the rest of my family. Its not a decision I am willing to make, not now... and I dont know if I ever will be able to.
Sadness...
Another Poem from Early 2009
Black as the clouds rolling in,
the thunder is as loud as my cries.
As he holds me down I fear my life,
Soon it will be over.
I wake to find he is gone,
I dont remember sleeping.
I blinked, and he was gone,
But the memory still is there.
Before breakfast I will shower,
Dont let them see your pain.
If she knows, will he hurt her to?
Dont chance it, just be good...
"Its your own fault" they say to a 10 yearold,
I remember his words,
The big brown van,
as we drove home.
Turn age 13...
Sunburnt and blistered,
My skin is numb yet on fire.
It was the shirt i wore,
the bra i did not wear...
"Do you know what he did?"
"It was not right or wrong, look at her."
I will never forget these words,
Not will i forgive him.
But I should,
I fed the man who took my womanhood before I was old enough to know what it was..
I fed him while he asked who I was because the tumor let him not know....
I fed him because the man who said it was not wrong was to weak from spending all day at his bedside.
Yes still... at 25, it is my fault
Yet still... i wish i had done something different.
Yet still... I pray for my Papa, he would have saved me, and not let this man touch me.
Yet still... I fear my daughters chance of survival in this world.
I still question my ability to make decisions that wont threaten my daughter,
I still question my ability to make decisions that wont threaten myself,
I still question my ability to make decisions that wont cause us harm,
I still question my ability to make any decisions...
Black as the clouds rolling in,
the thunder is as loud as my cries.
As he holds me down I fear my life,
Soon it will be over.
I wake to find he is gone,
I dont remember sleeping.
I blinked, and he was gone,
But the memory still is there.
Before breakfast I will shower,
Dont let them see your pain.
If she knows, will he hurt her to?
Dont chance it, just be good...
"Its your own fault" they say to a 10 yearold,
I remember his words,
The big brown van,
as we drove home.
Turn age 13...
Sunburnt and blistered,
My skin is numb yet on fire.
It was the shirt i wore,
the bra i did not wear...
"Do you know what he did?"
"It was not right or wrong, look at her."
I will never forget these words,
Not will i forgive him.
But I should,
I fed the man who took my womanhood before I was old enough to know what it was..
I fed him while he asked who I was because the tumor let him not know....
I fed him because the man who said it was not wrong was to weak from spending all day at his bedside.
Yes still... at 25, it is my fault
Yet still... i wish i had done something different.
Yet still... I pray for my Papa, he would have saved me, and not let this man touch me.
Yet still... I fear my daughters chance of survival in this world.
I still question my ability to make decisions that wont threaten my daughter,
I still question my ability to make decisions that wont threaten myself,
I still question my ability to make decisions that wont cause us harm,
I still question my ability to make any decisions...
Just an old Poem I wrote back in Feb of 2009
Waiting....
Has my heart not hung heavy for you?
Have I not laid down and waited in patience?
Yet still my pillow is dampened with my tears.
You promised that love would come soon,
You promised me that happiness would come.
I can no longer be consumed by this void.
My arms are heavy from holding myself up,
My hands are weak from holding each other.
My heart is sore from skipping beats when we goes by.
Dare I speak out of turn?
Shall he think I am weak?
Does he glance my way for interest or confusion?
When will my questions be answered?
Have I not waited out long enough?
Have I not sat still in bed when I heard others calling?
Have I not saved myself from the lovers who beckoned me to their beds?
Did I not surrender myself to you and promise to wait for the lover YOU would send?
Tell me my time is coming,
Tell me he will call for me soon.
Tell me that he thinks of me from time to time,
Tell me that my hours wasted on him,
The images of him in my head;
Tell me the time i spend gazing at him is not n vein.
For if I should spend one more year alone,
My heart shall fail to seek his love.
Then where, oh God, shall that leave him?
Tell my lover to wait,
Tell him someone else waits, the same way he does,
Do not let him stray from what he has not yet known.
For if he does not know of your plans for he and I yet,
Then assure his heart something good is coming,
And I will promise to keep my bed bare in white sheets.
But if all this is done in vein,
If you do not have the plans for me to be loved,
Then strike my heart with a cold stone,
So that I might be softened to those who do not make my breath heavy.
Let me accept those I could never love,
So that at least part of my heart,
The part that longs to care for someone;
The part that long to cares for a family,
May find pleasure, and fulfillment.
If I may not know the love of a man,
At least let me give my love to one.
Waiting....
Has my heart not hung heavy for you?
Have I not laid down and waited in patience?
Yet still my pillow is dampened with my tears.
You promised that love would come soon,
You promised me that happiness would come.
I can no longer be consumed by this void.
My arms are heavy from holding myself up,
My hands are weak from holding each other.
My heart is sore from skipping beats when we goes by.
Dare I speak out of turn?
Shall he think I am weak?
Does he glance my way for interest or confusion?
When will my questions be answered?
Have I not waited out long enough?
Have I not sat still in bed when I heard others calling?
Have I not saved myself from the lovers who beckoned me to their beds?
Did I not surrender myself to you and promise to wait for the lover YOU would send?
Tell me my time is coming,
Tell me he will call for me soon.
Tell me that he thinks of me from time to time,
Tell me that my hours wasted on him,
The images of him in my head;
Tell me the time i spend gazing at him is not n vein.
For if I should spend one more year alone,
My heart shall fail to seek his love.
Then where, oh God, shall that leave him?
Tell my lover to wait,
Tell him someone else waits, the same way he does,
Do not let him stray from what he has not yet known.
For if he does not know of your plans for he and I yet,
Then assure his heart something good is coming,
And I will promise to keep my bed bare in white sheets.
But if all this is done in vein,
If you do not have the plans for me to be loved,
Then strike my heart with a cold stone,
So that I might be softened to those who do not make my breath heavy.
Let me accept those I could never love,
So that at least part of my heart,
The part that longs to care for someone;
The part that long to cares for a family,
May find pleasure, and fulfillment.
If I may not know the love of a man,
At least let me give my love to one.
Survey- something new
A
- Available: Nopers
- Age: 27 - i feel old
- Annoyance: When people run their mouth a dont know which way they are even talking
- Animal: Too many
B
- Beer: But Lite... ICE old - like out of the freezer cold
- Birthday: 3/5
- Best Friend: I guess Andrew, he is the only one i trust enough to open up to
- Body Part on opposite sex: Mind/Heart
- Been in Love: yes
- Been on stage?: yes
- Believe in Magic: yes
- Believe in Santa: yes i believe in myself, lol
C
- Candy: Sour Patch Kids
- Color: Pink
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate if i had to pick
- Chinese/Mexican: Chinese
- Cake or pie: depends :)
- Continent to visit: Africa
- Cheese: YUMMY
D
- Day or Night: Night
- Dancing in the rain: Always in the summer :)
E
- Eyes: Brown
- Everyone's got: skin :)
F
- First thoughts waking up: Another Day :o)
- Food: salad
G
- Greatest Fear: Trusting Someone
- Goals: Cure for this stupid depression
- Gum: Bubble
- Get along with your parents?: not my dad
H
- Hair Color: Brown
- Height: 5'5"
- Holiday: 4th of July
- How do you want to die: In my sleep
I
- Ice Cream: Coffee
- Instrument: Guitar
J
- Jewelry: my ring
- Job: Home Maker
K
- Kids: Kathleen, Alex, Keaton
- Keep a journal? three of them
L
- Love: Hard
- Letter: K
- Laughed so hard you cried: Yes
M
- Milk flavor: Chocolate
- Movies: Cuddling
- Motion sickness?: back seat only
- McD’s or BK?: neither
N
- Number: 7
O
- One wish: happiness without interuption
P
- Pepsi/Coke: Cherry Pepsi
- Perfect Pizza: Cheese
- Piercings: yes please
Q
- Quail: No thank you.. thats mean
R
- Reason to cry: many
- Reality T.V.: Ghost Hunters
- Radio Station: whats a radio station?
- Roll your tongue in a circle: ohhh you wish you knew ;)
S
- Song: anything DMB
- Shoe size: 8.5
- Salad Dressing: balsamic
- Sushi:yes please
- Skinny dipped? yep
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries
T
- Tattoos?: 3
- Time for bed: depends
U
- Unpredictable: men
V
- Vacation spot(s): my front pourch, watchin the clouds go by
W
- Weakness: a man with stong arms
- Worst feeling: Loosing someone
- Wanted to be a model: never
- Worst Weather?: snow/ice storms
X
- X-Rays: a lot
Y
-Year it is now: 2010
-Yellow: lemmon
Z
- Zoo animal: Tiger!!!
- Available: Nopers
- Age: 27 - i feel old
- Annoyance: When people run their mouth a dont know which way they are even talking
- Animal: Too many
B
- Beer: But Lite... ICE old - like out of the freezer cold
- Birthday: 3/5
- Best Friend: I guess Andrew, he is the only one i trust enough to open up to
- Body Part on opposite sex: Mind/Heart
- Been in Love: yes
- Been on stage?: yes
- Believe in Magic: yes
- Believe in Santa: yes i believe in myself, lol
C
- Candy: Sour Patch Kids
- Color: Pink
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate if i had to pick
- Chinese/Mexican: Chinese
- Cake or pie: depends :)
- Continent to visit: Africa
- Cheese: YUMMY
D
- Day or Night: Night
- Dancing in the rain: Always in the summer :)
E
- Eyes: Brown
- Everyone's got: skin :)
F
- First thoughts waking up: Another Day :o)
- Food: salad
G
- Greatest Fear: Trusting Someone
- Goals: Cure for this stupid depression
- Gum: Bubble
- Get along with your parents?: not my dad
H
- Hair Color: Brown
- Height: 5'5"
- Holiday: 4th of July
- How do you want to die: In my sleep
I
- Ice Cream: Coffee
- Instrument: Guitar
J
- Jewelry: my ring
- Job: Home Maker
K
- Kids: Kathleen, Alex, Keaton
- Keep a journal? three of them
L
- Love: Hard
- Letter: K
- Laughed so hard you cried: Yes
M
- Milk flavor: Chocolate
- Movies: Cuddling
- Motion sickness?: back seat only
- McD’s or BK?: neither
N
- Number: 7
O
- One wish: happiness without interuption
P
- Pepsi/Coke: Cherry Pepsi
- Perfect Pizza: Cheese
- Piercings: yes please
Q
- Quail: No thank you.. thats mean
R
- Reason to cry: many
- Reality T.V.: Ghost Hunters
- Radio Station: whats a radio station?
- Roll your tongue in a circle: ohhh you wish you knew ;)
S
- Song: anything DMB
- Shoe size: 8.5
- Salad Dressing: balsamic
- Sushi:yes please
- Skinny dipped? yep
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries
T
- Tattoos?: 3
- Time for bed: depends
U
- Unpredictable: men
V
- Vacation spot(s): my front pourch, watchin the clouds go by
W
- Weakness: a man with stong arms
- Worst feeling: Loosing someone
- Wanted to be a model: never
- Worst Weather?: snow/ice storms
X
- X-Rays: a lot
Y
-Year it is now: 2010
-Yellow: lemmon
Z
- Zoo animal: Tiger!!!
BLAAAHHHHH
So I had an amazing afternoon watching a pretty good movie with my man, but now here i sit, looking at this house that is torn to hell, and I have no idea where to start.
Wish I had money for a maid.
Sometimes i wish i wasnt such a house wife, but i know i would miss it if i werent.
Wish I had money for a maid.
Sometimes i wish i wasnt such a house wife, but i know i would miss it if i werent.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
May 1, 2010
Sometimes i feel like I'm fighting a battle alone.
Andrew says he is there fighting with me, that he isn't going anywhere, that he loves me too much to walk away. But I feel like I'm going through a test... What do I need to do? I get multiple choice questions, and i feel like no matter what answer i give, its the wrong one.
I just want to have my happy family back.
I wish for one day, we could wake up happy, and go to bed that night the same way.
Now I sit here and wonder, if that will ever happen.
I sit here and look at my ring, and wonder, if that's still what he wants. Don't get me wrong, he keeps telling me it is, but... actions and words, you know?
I can sit there and try to do everything right, but there is always something i do or say wrong. I know we both have a lot going on right now. I miss my family, and he feels like it is his fault.
The truth is, there has never been anything said or done for them to not like him. All i know is, if i find out some ill shit was said, i would never forget that person, be it someone I know, or someone I don't.
I just don't understand... they never met Andrew, never seen him, never sat down and talked to him, never shared a meal with him. They don't know him, yet they don't like him. Why?
What sense does that make?
Someone please try and help me to understand this...
Andrew says he is there fighting with me, that he isn't going anywhere, that he loves me too much to walk away. But I feel like I'm going through a test... What do I need to do? I get multiple choice questions, and i feel like no matter what answer i give, its the wrong one.
I just want to have my happy family back.
I wish for one day, we could wake up happy, and go to bed that night the same way.
Now I sit here and wonder, if that will ever happen.
I sit here and look at my ring, and wonder, if that's still what he wants. Don't get me wrong, he keeps telling me it is, but... actions and words, you know?
I can sit there and try to do everything right, but there is always something i do or say wrong. I know we both have a lot going on right now. I miss my family, and he feels like it is his fault.
The truth is, there has never been anything said or done for them to not like him. All i know is, if i find out some ill shit was said, i would never forget that person, be it someone I know, or someone I don't.
I just don't understand... they never met Andrew, never seen him, never sat down and talked to him, never shared a meal with him. They don't know him, yet they don't like him. Why?
What sense does that make?
Someone please try and help me to understand this...
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