Catching up on life...

It's been about a month since I have written, so I figured maybe I should get something down here...

A lot has happened...

1
Heather and I were friends again, and everything was great - She would crash here, we would all play games, eat dinner, watch moves; then something happened again.. pills and drinking.
I was hurt, you know?
I tried so hard to be a good friend, Andrew and I opened our home to her so that she had a "clean" place to hang out. But, for her to chose the pills and drinking over me, just hurt... Then i just found out, she never was really sober; she had been using behind my back during the relationship, and during our friendship. She lied to me about all the time she said she was sober. No, i dont love her like I love Andrew; i dont think i ever did, and when i thought maybe i could, she would start drinking or smoking or do something really stupid and it ruined it. But, God knew what he was doing, because it got me to Andrew...

2
I keep looking for work. I have to do most of the job hunting online and putting in online aps because we dont have the extra money for me to take the bus all the time. So, i kinda check out craigs list, or put in aps online at websites that offer it (wal-mart, wallgreens, CVS, Target, etc..) I'll be honest and say im scared. Andrew makes enough for us to make Rent, and gas and my child support pays for the electric, but we struggle when it comes to the cell phone bill - at the end of the money, we have to buy things that takes up our "extra" cash. (Shampoo, conditioner, soap, laundry, etc). A lot of times I wonder how we will keep doing this.
Andrew has gotten word that the hospitals are finally hiring again for what he went to college for; but, jst because they are hiring doesnt mean he is going to be first in line, and first in the door. He couldnt fidn work out of school, and he had to take the first job available. So, now he has almost a year with no experience; but he wants these jobs so bad. He spends some of his days off just going around and making phone calls and trying to get the jobs.
My biggest fear is that his lack of experience isnt going to help any. Im scared you know?

3
I've lost a few people who I thought were close to me, and those who are emotionally and mentally close to me, are far away.
Heather I lost to drugs and drinking...
Chris I lost due to his lies, I just couldnt deal with the way he was acting..
then Jenn - we lost her because her new girlfriend literally believes that she OWNES Jenn the way a person would OWN a house or a car. She told Andrew that neither of us were allowed to speak to Jenn anymore.
Jenn helped us alot; she was a really good friend, and she helped us financially when she could. But you know, it just pisses me off - the girl Danielle that she is dating; she has literally taken ownership of Jenn's life, and we lost her because Jenn was willing to let her do this.

4
My health keeps getting worse and worse and im scared to be honest about it. Today on my way down to do laundry, it felt like my entire body went limp. I fell to the steps and i just cried. about 5 minutes later i got up and was able to finish going down the steps and get back up into bed.

I dont know if people understand how its feels; im not even sure the Doctors have the diagnosis right; but hey, they went to school for this stuff, not me.

Now my brother is in the hospital for the same thing i deal with every day. Its a little un-nerving because there are many times I have had an on-call nurse tell me to go to the ER, but I cant. And going to the doctors is a fear of its own; we have to take the bus and i get scared enough that my legs will give out when we are out. But, imhoping they can give him some answers that maybe i can go back to my doctor with... IDK..... it scares me that he is going through this for two reasons; i know how this feels, and i wouldnt wish it on anyone, i joke about buying a cane, but a lot of times, its a chore in itself to walk from the couch to the kitchen to wash dishes... forget the time it takes to stand there and do it. I always feel like my legs are going to give out, and sometimes they do.
And secondly, maybe they will give him something i can take back to my doctor.

Well, thats all for now, i guess i'll post again in a few days for an udate on my brother.