Quots to live by...

"Its not always about the things you have, its about the things we lost."

"In order for us to look into the future, we need to examine our past."

"Sometimes we just need to look around to realize that Heaven is not a place, its a feeling."

"People fuck up for a reason."

WHAT kind of quote is that?!?!

So, it camer to my attention today that sometimes we screw things up and just need to move on. My problem is that I am too empathetic to cut ties with people, and I think I just try too hard to keep ties together for others.

When I look around me, it makes me think of all the things I lost. I have two sons that i dont see much. Alex lives with his father, and his father thinks that my relationship with my son is not important. He thinks that my life is too busy for my son, and also thinks that it is not important for my son to build a close relationship with me as his mother.
This pisses me off to no end. I really dont want to loose him as a son. and I dont want to lose any chance I may have as being a closer parent int he future.

I also think of my son Keaton. I gave him up for adoption three days after he was born. But ask anyone else and he was already theirs before he was born. I knew as soon as I saw their family profile that they were exactly what I wanted and needed for my son.

Other losses??
My ex Heather. Not so much a loss for me, but for my daughter.

I saw my daughter get close to yet another person only for them to hurt me and walk away.
This time, things are different. I think this time, everything will be more effective. EFFECTIVE?!?!? Yes, thasnk you very much, effective. It makes a huge difference when you can be who you trully are instead of what someone else is asking you to be.
I can wear my clothes, do my makeup, my nails, and not worry about being called a "bitch". No thank you :o)

How amazing is it to have a man (FTM) that can make me feel like the woman I Was born to be. Sometimes God gives us obsticals that we have to get around in order to live a happy life. Some people can over come or over look them, but living in 2009 with a mind set of someone who is raising a family in the 1950s? Its not easy to do, and even harder to come by a man who will stand next to you, bit in front of you, and a man who trust you enough to hand you their heart and mind and family unity, and trust you to take care of them all perfectly.

Unhappiness should be an emotion added to the psychological dictionary. Being unhappy is something that we sometimes cannot control. But, other times we just need to look a little closer at the things we have in front of it. But, the funny thing is, we sometimes cannot see those things because others block our vision.

Andrew just happened to be one of those things that was hiding behind another (Heather). Thankfuilly, she did bring me one good thing, Him. Sometimes I wonder why people fuck up for a reason, but then I see him, look in his eyes, and I know all is right withthe world, And God. So... what do we do now?

I sit here and see my family in this place, and It makes my heat melt.

Kat hasd a man in her life that her eyes sparkle about, my best friend finally has found happiness, and I know I will never have to winder again if I will find happiness.

What is happiness? Well sweety... every time I look in his eyes, I find it all over again. And when we make love.... Its like another star is placed in the sky.... One day... we will have another child (or two if you ask kat... but then again, 3 would make us even, right babe?).

And when that times comes.. my life and family will be complete, and I love to see him happy more than anything.